Infertility before infertility

"How long did it take you to conceive N?" Asking my dad about my little sister's conception was pretty awkward. But I had a reason for asking.  Diminished ovarian reserve tends to run in families.  I was always sure that my ovaries were fine; I was conceived five months into my parents' marriage, when my mother was 36. She had my one and only younger sister when she was 41. I thought this boded well for me, until I thought about the four years between me and my sister.  What 38 year old postpones a second child?

Awkward pause. "You and your sister are four years apart," answered my dad.

"I know, but did you try for all that time or...." Did I really want to pursue this line of questioning?

"You and your sister are four years apart," my dad repeated.

"So, um, you tried that whole time?"

Yes, they did. They tried for two years before they were successful. "Your mother went to the Marian shrine in [country of origin] and prayed for a baby. And then she got pregnant again shortly after that."

When my parents were struggling with infertility, or as my dad would say, taking a long time to have a baby, there were no FSH tests and ultrasounds. Because they knew they had been pregnant before, they just kept trying until they were successful, when my mom was 40.

"So sometimes, it just takes a long time," my dad continued. "Remember Auntie R and Uncle N? They took five years to have a baby. They spent thousands of dollars traveling to Marian shrines all over the world. They even went to Lourdes. And after five years, it worked!"

There you go. In the age before IUIs and IVFs, the only thing to do about infertility was to pray. Rather than spending thousands of dollars on medical interventions, you could spend thousands of dollars on a pilgrimage.

Sometimes, I think about the couples who spend their savings on a chance at having child, only to walk away with their arms empty. I think about the couples who have had multiple rounds of IVF, all failures, only to conceive naturally months or years after they've given up. Sometimes I wonder if after all this medical intervention we are any better at controlling the vagaries of conception than we were when the only treatment for infertility was prayer.