Thanksgiving Day, DH and I went for a long walk around my parents' neighborhood. Long in duration, not in distance as I am still not up to walking more than a tenth of a mile at a stretch. I caught a glimpse of our shadows; I was clinging to him, walking slowly and unsteadily. The band I wear to protect my incisions made my torso look substantially thicker than it is. In shadow, we looked like a couple in our seventies.
It struck me that DH and I have only been married a year and a half, but I feel like we've been married twenty.
We never had a formal church wedding. DH has been married before to a woman who left him after fourteen months with no explanation or even a good-bye. We were engaged and waiting for his annulment when my adenomyoma was diagnosed and the recommendation from the doctor was to postpone surgery until after I was done with childbearing.
We got married immediately, in a court-house.
We are still waiting on DH's annulment. Apparently, in the diocese where he filed, the wait is three years. (The priest at DH's parents' church told us it was eight to ten months.) We haven't even seen a "thank you for your application" form letter. DH is done with Catholicism. Reliving the worst thing that ever happened to him only to be met with silence and indifference broke his relationship with the Church, and I'm not sure it will ever be fixed.
Meanwhile, I was learning that I could not go through the worst thing that's ever happened to me without the Sacraments. I could not go without the Eucharist. I could not have my surgery without the anointing of the sick. I started going to an Episcopalian church. That church has been my rock these many months.
DH and I will be married in that church this winter. In front of God, our extended families and our friends, we will promise each other that "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health," we will be husband and wife.
I'd say we've already had more "worse, poorer and sickness" in one and a half years than many couples have had in twenty. I know that when I hear DH say those words, I will be thinking that through infertility, through pain, through surgery, through depression and through despair, DH has stood by me.
Oh Sarah, I'm so sorry that you are struggling with this. The more I hear about annullments in outher dioceses, the more I realize how well we do it here (and we certainly aren't perfect).
ReplyDeleteI will keep you and your DH in my prayers, and I will ask St. Raphael the Archangel to intercede on your behalf. (He is the patron of troubled marriages - keep in mind troubled doesn't mean bad, just marriages with a lot on their plate - I think yours counts :)).
A piece of unsolicited practical advice - unfortunately quite often the squeaky wheel really does get the oil - I'd call the Tribunal Office at the diocese where he filed and ask for a status update.
In my parents' diocese, every church has a committee to help people with annulments. The average time is six months! Unfortunately, to avoid overwhelming the tribunal, they are pretty strict that you can't file here unless you are a member of a parish here. It seems like the diocese where DH filed is just a disaster; had we known what we know now.....
DeleteMy friend who's a priest actually warned us not to call the Tribunal. He said that they really don't like it when people act entitled to an annulment. On the other hand, it's coming up on the second anniversary of when he filed, and we haven't heard anything at all. (Plus if anyone is entitled to an annulment, it's DH. He didn't decide to end his marriage and would never have filed for divorce.)
Thanks so much for your prayers about this issue! DH has promised that once the annulment goes through we will get a RC convalidation. But he has been quite clear that it will be for me and my relationship with the church and that he is done with Catholicism. I just hope it happens quickly. I'm afraid that my grandmother is going to die and I will not be able to receive communion at her funeral.
I'm just glad to have a husband who believes in church and the importance of Sacraments and tradition. I know people who carry the burden of raising children in the faith alone, and it's a tough path to walk. DH will go to church with me, just not a RC church.